Day 49

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February 19. I know I haven’t been updating this blog for quite some time now, and I know that sucks. Lately, I’ve been very lazy. Taking photos everyday has become kind of tedious and—I can’t believe I’m saying this—boring, for lack of a better term. Don’t get me wrong, photography is still and will always be something I really love. I really do love it. It’s just…I don’t know, but maybe it’s just me, but if you do something everyday, no matter how much you love it, at some point it can get pretty tiring. No matter how passionate you get with what you do, if you end up making it as your ‘work,’ or something close to that, something you set yourself to doing every single day, I think it simply can’t be helped that you’d end up seeing it as an obligation. And as with any other obligation, there will always be an amount of burden attached to doing it, because you no longer simply ‘freely’ choose to do it; it’s not simply, purely out of your desire to do it that you drive yourself to do it—something else, some other motivation, or end-goal, is already attached, because it’s no longer just simply something you do because it’s what you love to do but also because it’s what you need to do. And doesn’t it make you sad that the sort of passion that got you through the first day is something that can’t be sustained forever? And I know we all know this already, but I think I’ve only really started understanding it now. I guess…this is what being passionate about something means, after all? When you’ve started getting so used to it that you’ve stopped craving for it, it’s only when you decide to hold on—not with some blistering euphoria, or some sad, seemingly otherworldly sense of fulfillment—but with a freedom devoid of this blind love that you’d know that this thing is something you truly want. Being passionate about something means going past that initial, overwhelming rush of excitement; it means getting up every morning knowing that though this may be something you somehow ‘trick’ yourself into thinking you love, you still freely choose to do it, every single day.

(Or, I don’t know. I could also be wrong. Maybe I really have no idea what pursuing someone’s passion means because I still haven’t really figured out what I’m ultimately passionate about—not photography, not design, not writing—and I don’t know which is sadder.)

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